WordKnot

A lot of funny shit has happened to me in my lifetime and I though that it might be fun to share some of it with you.  I’ll start with something that I thought was absolutely hilarious.  So, here we go.

A while back my friends and I got into the habit of leaving wierd shit on other friends windshields, underneath the wiper blades.  Chief and I had left a belgian waffle, a cup of “au jus” (the sauce that you dip your “beef dip” in at Quizno’s), and a seedless cucumber under the windshield wiper of Todd (all at different times of course).  So one day I’m driving around with Chief in the car and we decide that we have a dire need to leave something under the windshield wiper of Zim.  He was currently at work at a pharmacy nearby.  When Chief asked me what we should leave I had a sudden flashback to my childhood.

I’m over at my Uncle Gary’s house and I’m playing with his dog.  The dog brings me this chew toy that looks sort of like a long rawhide thingy.  I pick it up and examine it.  I determined that it was not a rawhide and asked “Uncle Gary, what’s this?” while holding the object firmly in my hand.  “A dried bull’s penis” he answered.  I threw the bulldick across the room in disgust.

So, when, sitting there in the car Chief asked, What should we leave for Zim?  My immediate response was “A dried bull’s dick!”

Chief and I visited many different pet shops, but all to no avail, apparently there is little market for the naughty bits of a castrated bull (turned cow).  So, defeated we headed toward Zim’s work, determined to think of something on the way there.  Driving down Mcknight road, I took a sudden right turn, into the parking lot of “Condom nation”, Porn/sex paraphanelia shop.  “We’re bound to find something funny in here!” I exclaimed and we exited the car and went in.  We stopped at the front desk to ask where the “Novelty” items were (to us meaning items not to be used for actual sex).  We were directed toward one side of the store that had a wall lined with blow-up dolls, various items in the shape of boobs and much much more.  Feeling that all that was too obvious we continued our perusing untill I struck paydirt.  The title of our chosen item “Anal-EzE”, strawberry flavor.  Perfect, we agreed and went to the register.  Now what didn’t actually occur to either of us as we checked out was that we, two men, just entered a sex shop, purchased ass lube and said it was a gag gift for a friend.  In retrospect I can almost hear the thoughts of the clerk “yeah, whatever boys, have fun.”
So, butt gel in hand (not in ass), we were off to leave our gift on the windshield of Zim’s car.

Later that day we received a call from Zim.  He had two questions for us.  The first was, “did you leave butt lube on my windshield?” to which we of course admitted YES! hahahhahahahahhaahhahahahahah.  But it was his second question that threw us.  Not, why or when but this.  “Why is it strawberry flavored?”

The reason that I chose this story for tonight is that there has been a recent development in this prank that was initiated over six monts ago.  Recently Zim’s brother found the Anal-EzE in Zim’s room and is currently holding it hostage as blackmail on Zim saying, “I don’t even want to know what you’re using this for”