WordKnot

Considering I’ve told this story twice over the past two days, I figured I may as well tell the world about my most embarrassing moment ever.  I don’t know why I’m comfortable telling the mass populace about this, but then again maybe I’m just hard up for a laugh, your laughs.  So, without further adue (or however you spell that), I give you the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me.

It was ninth grade and, if you’ve read my previous blog “highschool shenanigans” you know that I was not the most popular guy in school.  And, if you can believe it, I was even less so in ninth grade (which was not technically High School because we were in the Intermediate School building).  The reason for this is that I had not yet found my clique.  Not found the Chief, Todd, Krammit and the rest.  I was still trying to hang out with people who considered themselves above me and those who were so different that we never really got along.  Now, let’s all collectively shed a tear for the poor freshman with crappy or no friends.

So, it was lunch time, an awkward time for me.  I sat with a group of people who simply didn’t not like me.  I had been feeling sick to my stomach all week, it being Wednesday now.  Mom said I had to go to school considering I only had a stomach ache.  And so, there I sat at lunch, eating little and uncomfortable when something began to churn in my stomach.  Have you ever had a fart so big that it made your stomach-ache go away?  Well I thought that that was what was coming.  I leaned to the side, careful not to look too obvious, and let it slip.  It was silent (thank God) but it wouldn’t stop.  Soon I was feeling warm….. down there, and a little messy.  I realized what was happening and tried my hardest to stop it, but to no avail.  Eventually it stopped on its own in what seemed like hours, but were, in fact, only about four seconds maybe less.  I pulled my shirt down around me and sped off to the nurses office praying that no one noticed (prayers that were in fact answered).

I got to the nurse an the exchange went something like this…
“I need to go home, I have diarrhea.”
“Are you sure you need to go home?”
“Yes, can I call my mom?”
“Why don’t you see if you can tough it out for the next three periods and go home at the end of school”
“You don’t understand I HAD diarrhea and I need to go home”
“You sure you can’t wait till the end of the day?”
“LISTEN LADY, I SHIT MY PANTS OK?”

She called my mom.  Mom wasn’t home at the time and so I was left with only one option.  Attempt to get a hold of my sister.  My sister, at this time was dating an asshole.  The asshole had the magical ability to turn my sister into a bitch.  Something she has realized upon reflection.
I finally got a hold of her at her boyfriend’s house (goody).  She was pissed.  I told her I needed her to go home and get me a change and come pick me up from school.  With her boyfriend still in the room she asks “What do you need a change for?”  I told her, she responded “Eww, that’s sick.”
But she did what I asked however, not as I would have liked because about twenty minutes later she showed up, with her asshole boyfriend, in his car, with his friend, who was also an asshole.  To their credit they remained quiet the entire time.  However, sick little me got to ride home in the back seat of a shitty car, with shitty pants in a bag on the seat next to me just wishing I would die.

And there you have it.  If anyone can beat that I challenge them to try.