WordKnot

Here’s another story pertaining to my family.  I’m not really sure how many of these I should tell you people.  Considering that I share a bloodline with these people I’m thinking that I don’t want you all assuming the worst of me.  Though, now that I think about it…  I’ve had many of my own stupid occurrences that you will be privy to eventually through these blogs.  So… On with the story.

I don’t know what holiday it was or why we were all at my Uncle Bill’s but… we were.  The whole family was at Uncle Bill’s house hanging out.  My cousin Billy (notice I’m not sparing him the possible humility of the mass release of this particular story)was always a difficult one.  I think he tried to be as reckless as possible and this story is, at least in part, proof of this hypothesis.

Cousin Billy took me aside in order to let me in on the prank that he was about to pull.  He had a little “trick” in mind to play on the congregated family.  Here’s the idea.  He takes an ordinary playing card, a piece of tape and an empty staple gun.  He explained the gag to me before hand.  He would put the tape on the back of the card (not letting anyone see it) and walk into the living room where everyone was sitting.  He’d get everyone’s attention, slap the card to his forehead and “staple” it there.

Now, some of you I’m sure can see what is about to unfold here.

So, he grabs the empty staple gun (one of two that were sitting side by side), his playing card, and his tape.  He puts a small rolled up piece of tape on the back and tells me to go into the living room ahead of him to watch everyone’s reaction.  I did so, doing my best, small child that I was, not to laugh.

Around the corner and into the room came Billy.  “Hey everybody, look at this.” he said as he entered, effectively getting everyone’s attention.  He then proceeded to stick the card to his head, raise the staple gun and….”Ka-chunk!”

Everybody completely believed that he had actually stapled the card to his head.  Shouts of “Oh my God” and “Why’d you do that?” and “Shit!” came from his bewildered audience.

Billy smiled happily, assuming that his prank had gone over better than he’d thought.

“No no” he said. “It’s just taped on.”  He then proceeded to try to pull the card off to show his audience that it was only a joke.  However, it didn’t come off.  He pulled once or twice then turned sheet white.  He had, in fact, stapled a playing card to his own forehead.  The impact from the staple gun had temporarily desensitized his forehead and he didn’t feel the staple entering his head.  He began to lose his composure as the initial numbness began to wear off.

My uncle, his father, did not bat an eye, however.  He was calm, collected, and possibly a little too unconcerned with the whole event.  He simply reached down beside him and picked up a pair of needle nose pliers (he’s an electrician, pliers were everywhere).  He walked over to his whimpering son, held his head steady with one hand, grabbed the staple in the pliers with the other and pulled.  Billy nearly fell over as the staple was yanked from his very skull.  Uncle Bill put the card, staple and all, into his gun cabinet on a shelf to be displayed.  It remains there to this day, proudly proclaiming the stupidity of a Fogle family member.  My uncle then went back and sat down to finish watching whatever had been on when this all started.  It wasn’t until he was forced to do so that he took Billy to the hospital, or rather had my mother take him.

X-rays show that the staple chipped his skull.  Billy will forever look as though he were attacked by a tiny vampire on the face.

Yet another splotch on the record of the Fogle family…